Waiting is really a suffer. dr rahimi still has not coming yet. I'm waiting for her now to come. 4 of us feel stress, not really for me la but sal looks very stress. i just want to finish this as soon as possible and get out of this hole forever.... leaving all the memories behind. still have time to write in this blog although most of them felt anxious.
In 4 months i face a dilemma, to speak fully english or mix the language malay and english. i know my strengths and ability, im not that good to speak fully english but i can to speak that language. i tried to speak english at my very first day in the class ( i still remember exactly what happend on that day) but in the end, they cannot cope with that. so i have to use malay in order to teach them so that they will be with me all the time. even when i use malay, thay still cannot concentrate, so how will can i use fully english to teach these students? my advisor teacher advised me to use the simplest english eventhough the broken ones but that's not my style. i couldnt simplify the language because language is not as as easy to have 1+1=2. it is more than that. tis is the main reason why i was avoiding to use mix language. i prefer to use fully english or fully malay. because of this thing, i was 'shot' badly, feeling like im one of palestenians who got attacked and bombed by israeli when SHE commented my teaching. the pain will be mine forever and cannot be healed. she commented like i didnt do any improvements within these 4 months. feel like im the biggest looser ever. the comments without any praise at all made me feel like im a useless and a very bad teacher. all my actions, my activities and my taecching look very bad on her eyes. she compared me with her in every single things i did in the class, making my heart talked badly about her. i ve been trying my best do defend her in my heart but i cannot. my heart felt very hurt when i recall that day. thak allah my days here are ending...
stiil, waiting is a suffer....
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